Journal Entry: Thu Jul 23, 2015, 8:06 PM
//waves// Hello deviants who choose to read this journal. How are all of you doing?
Me? Well, I'm doing just dang skippy if you wish to know. Things these past couple months have been... interesting... to say at the very least. Between my place of employment, my ambitions and every other stressful issue that's been piling me up and ripping my brain mentally apart. I warn you now - this journal will be lengthy, but this is my way of having a stopping point to reflect on things and developing rational ways of handling the long term situations I've been dealing with. You are not required to read this post, but if you choose to and provide advice, you are precious ; v ; You all are precious to me.
My Place of Employment:
Jeez, where do I even start? Between being moved into a new department and having to adjust to certain things... it really isn't worth the stress it has become. From previous journals, you may be aware I used to work on the Front end as a bagger and a short term cashier. I am now the morning opener in our store's new Squeeze'd Smoothie Bar. Don't get me wrong, it's better than front end for a few select reasons - but it's undeniably more stressful at certain points. The Manager of the whole department (produce) is nice and my co-workers (outside of Squeeze'd) are just as nice and very helpful. So where does all the stress come from when it comes to this job? A number of things to be exact:
> Stress factor #1: The early morning rushes.
Super easy to handle - but not easy to maintain when your help calls off, comes in 4 hours later/late or just when you're leaving. This has lead to me not getting breaks at times and customer complains when there is a line and I'm the only person trying to grind out smoothies while trying to manage the fresh food we have in the coolers. To put things into perspective: My mornings start at 5:30am. I come in and start making the required Juice of the Day/Juice of the Month - all while making sure frozen food defrosts enough and containers are full enough to get me though till the next person comes in. Sometimes, the closing people leave me high and dry and I have to run around to get things done in the 30 minutes before the store opens. It's not possible no matter how fast you move. To make things worse, when that clock hits 6am (or sometimes 5:56 - when customers sneak into the store before we open) I could have a person DEMANDING A SUPER KALE FRUIT SMOOTHIE. //intense angry wheezing// J-just calm down... and understand I am human and can only do so much without rage quitting that day... yeesh... So imagine a super busy morning. Angry business people who want their smoothies in 30 seconds... (the blender setting we use requires a full 45 seconds of blending... so.... no 30 second smoothies...) Then imagine, finding out that your relief - doesn't come in till 10am. That's 4.5 hours of being alone and your impending doom of how busy the day will be. then to make things even better, imagine that person - is 15 minutes late. And then it gets busy. By the time you're able to get though every thing, it's 10:27 and you're supposed to be off in 3 minutes. W-what about that mandatory 15 minute break? N-no? Okay... So - this situation right here leads to a small stress trigger people don't seem to understand.
> Stress factor #2: You're always wrong.
Not just with customers, but your relief co-workers and the Lead of Squeeze'd (I won't be using names b/c I never know if they will run across my dA and this journal - but if they do, hope they have fun reading my honest opinion and not hold it against me.) When you work alone for 4 hours every shift, you tend to develop habits and shortcuts that help navigate through things easier. Things such as how you arrange the drying blenders on the counter or how much of a smoothie you prepare because you know the regulars that come in - and even down to the ways you mark the customers cup to the fluid motion of getting a smoothie made. Everything I seem to do is WRONG or INCORRECT. If I'm not doing it the way other people do, then I get scolded. I'm sorry I don't like writing a huge ass 'K' on the side of the cup and putting the cup on the upper counter I can hardly reach for your convenience. I prefer to mark the small box on the cup and set it by the blender so I'm ready when the smoothie is done blending. But that's none of my business. Not long ago, I made a Poll on my page asking how thick/thin a smoothie should be. After much discussion with people outside of work, we have come to conclude it should be blended to the consistency of being somewhat thicker but along the lines of the middle ground between thick and thin. //Yes, I did get scolded for making a smoothie too thick... by a coworker in front of the customer. Rather disrespectful and rude...// This brought about another point that may be the end game of me if I'm not careful. The Lead randomly told me one day: '______ and ______ are my Level 2's. If they need you to do something or if they correct you, you need to listen to them' //pauses// WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!? I talked to my friend/coworker and he said she NEVER told him that. She ONLY TOLD ME. Honestly, it took too much of my energy to not tell her off right there. We are human. We are different. Don't expect me to follow with you exactly if I have found an easier way to do things that you refuse to take the suggestion of. I've had customers complain that smoothies were too thin and I naturally make smoothies so they aren't water thin and defrost rapidly. I will continue to do things my way whether you like them or not - because I am human, and you are human. Understand not one person is the same and we do things our way out of our own arrogance. If it makes my day easier and another customer happy, then I am a happy individual.
> Stress factor #3: Too bad if you're sick and have a legitimate Specialist's note on File.
As of late, my health has declining in more ways than one. Between the migraines, Cluster sinus headaches, stomach issues... I'm not winning. The last 2 weeks of so, I've had some bad mornings. Last week and the week before that, I was struggling with the cluster sinus headache and lack of sleep. Being highly prone to Migraines, some of the cluster headaches would get rather advanced and cause me to get sick. I would work though it as best as I could, but even my regular customers would notice my pain. The Lead would come in and upon asking if I could leave early by even half an hour, She would tell me no because she would fear it would get busy. Does a little bit of hard work and a rush scare you or something? I push though it despite the sensitivity to loud blending noises and the bright lights shining down on the smoothie bar. But that's none of my business. Even the produce manager has noticed the decline of my attitude and personality. The one day I woke up with a horrible jacked up Migraine. I sprang from bed to expel my stomach contents and down some medication so that I could make it into work on time. I made it in and as I was getting ready, I felt the world spin again and I had to bolt to the bathroom to puke again. To make things so much better, I was stopped by a customer who demanded a smoothie. I politely told her I needed the bathroom and it would take me. Of course, I can't leave because the lead doesn't come in till 9. How I survived the noises and the tunnel vision/dizziness is beyond me. It was to the point where I was wishing to pass out - I wanted to faint so my Dad could take his chance at any legal actions he wanted to do. When the Lead came in, I asked to leave and she told me 'I'd like you to stay and I'll be alone till 11. We have prep to do and I need you here.' AND THEN SHE WALKED OFF FOR 30 MINUTES to do WHATEVER it was she needed to do. I was dying and had a doctors note on file. They know my condition - so I hope next time I pass out. They can deal with my Parents who will show them no mercy. I've been sick and my mom thinks its from all the useless stress my job is putting on me, which I can believe, 100%.
Moving away from my job, I want to let you all know that I have a list of huge changes coming to my art and you guys. I've had little passion to sit and draw and to fill those huge gaps, I've been spending time with friends who are helping me cope with stress and I've been binging on YouTube videos. Gomen Gomen. Forgive me. So what do I have planned?
> Deviantart Page Construction
Over the next couple of weeks, I will be working on a new layout for my dA page. A new journal, links to social media, etc. It will be exciting in the very least because I will be uploading new art and cleaning out my gallery. Instead of making a new deviantart as a fresh start, I'd rather keep attached to this one and work on what I've already achieved.
> Social Media!
I'm always far more active on my personal Facebook when it comes to uploading drawings. Some of you may find that if you are my friend on there, you see lots of sketches and finished pieces. This project I have planned involves making a Facebook page for my art so that those who still care about what I draw can follow me there. When it's launched, I will be sure to update it here. Same goes for my planned Art Tumblr. I know people are highly active on tumblr //as am I// but I haven't made much I'd like to post to my personal doge infested dashboard. aha.
> Commissions are coming back!
Once the 2 listed above are complete, commissions will be open with bigger and better things. I am in major need of a new computer and the money will be going to the savings fund for a new one. Aside from commissions, I have quite a few fan art series I'd love to get presented to you. I hope you're all excited.
> Partner Project Comics (PPC)
This is the most exciting. For MONTHS now, My good friend, Jake and I have been writing story plots of our own story and a special 'fan story'. We hope to launch that project in the months to come. Though that project will depend how long my Mac holds up and doesn't crash. Get excited people!
> Store Envy setup
Though at the bottom of the list, I hope to get a store envy up and running. Like I said, I have fan art series I plan to dive into.
So there you have it! My apologies for this journal being disgustingly long - But I feel so much better getting this all out and updating those who wonder what happened to me. If you've made it this far, You're the real MVP. You're too precious.
Listening to: Airplanes (remix) - King Nappy & VegasJamie
Watching: OUTLAST LP - TheKingNappy & GameboyLuke
Drinking: Starbucks Strawberry Acai Refresher